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Sunday, 23 December 2012

Decisions

We all have to make decisions, both big and small: what brand of laundry detergent shall I buy, what university shall I apply for, shall I propose, and the list goes on. Some people are naturally decisive, quickly determining their answer to all questions and some people are so indecisive that they actively avoid having to make important decisions. But for the most of us, we are in the middle, finding just a few of the most important decisions a challenge and generally coping with the day-to-day decisions that life throws at us.
For me, it depends on the day. Some days are good for decisions and some days aren't so good. On the good days I try to do as much as I possibly can while I can.
It's annoying to say the least.
I wish I could say that I would be fine everyday but I simply can't.
More recently the decisions I have to make have become more important and this has made it all the more challenging. Big decisions are always going to come around someday because life is like a winding path with forks and crossroads which lead in many different directions. Our choices lead us down trickier paths, blocked by thorns or up steep hills and some might take you on a smoother and easier path.
For me I'm at a very important crossroads. The path I choose will be a final and very life-shaping one. To make it all the more difficult the sign is all worn and I can't read the options for each direction. Once I've made my decision and chosen a path, there's no going back. And every path is uphill and uneven. That much I do know.
The weird thing is that I'm not that fussed about the challenges ahead. Maybe it's because I don't have a choice or maybe I've forgotten how to care about anything. Either way I feel like I'm just floating along, waiting for something to happen, but it never does.

I've put a break in the text there for a reason. I've completely lost what direction I was heading in with my writing. Just like I have in my life at the minute. I feel lost and floaty and sort of useless. And I can't seem to shape the words for this post either. So for now I have to stop, take a break and just be. As they say, let the chips fall where they may.

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