Tuesday, 13 November 2012

It's not a dream.

Dreaming is activity that everyone will partake in at some point in their lives, even if they don't know it. While we rest our bodies, our mind processes all those day to day things into important stuff and junk, much like sorting through your e-mails. You sift through, selecting some that are definitely rubbish, reading and checking others just in case there's some important piece of information in there before you send it into the unknown realm of the 'deleted' section of cyberspace. Our minds jump around, forming patterns and stories from the past days events, so that we can process them more easily. In other words, we relive our day through some kind of virtual movie. Or something.
I don't think you can fully explain dreams, like why we have them or what they mean, but it seems sensible to assume that they have a purpose, otherwise they wouldn't exist.
But when is a dream not a dream?
Have you ever had a dream so realistic that you wake up and feel confused about what happened in it and have feelings and emotions which don't correlate with your current life pattern? Most people can say that this has happened to them, and I am certainly one of them.
So, when this occurs should we take note and wander what on earth it means? Is it a sign of some kind? Or did our brains simply not have enough time during sleep to sort out all those memories into important stuff and junk?
We will never know - and that's a bit scary.
Sometimes I wake up and my dreams are still there in the forefront of my mind and I can't seem to just let go. It's these times when I have to be extra careful or I'll lose my grip on reality.
When I'm asleep I can do anything: run, jump and even fly. I can say whatever I want and think whatever I want and nobody can stop me because it's my own private universe with all my own rules.
Being suddenly yanked from that state of bliss when waking is unsettling. That's a understatement.
Sleep is the only time that I can just be me, without any mask or stalker or colour to label my mood. I can go wherever I want and do whatever I want without fear, because nothing is real, so nothing matters.
When a dream is so vivid it's possible to think that it's not a dream when you wake up.
When that happens, it's like my body is in the real world but my mind is not. It's still dreaming, and in dreamland I am Queen. I can do anything.
This is dangerous.
Because I can't do anything and everything I want. Life restricts me.
Sometimes I'll say the wrong thing and put my foot in it, so to say, without even realising it. The things around me appear different to normal, and I can't seem to place them properly, like when you miscount the stairs and there's that moment where your foot hasn't landed on a step when you expected and your stomach jolts. I see things that aren't there and hear things which didn't sound.
Does this make me crazy or just really bad in the mornings?
I don't know.
According to experts this is called 'Dissociation', which is a coping mechanism used subconsciously by people with anxiety problems, causing them to detach themselves from reality in order to avoid a negative situation.
Sounds legitimate to me.
But I still wander: what if everyone is wrong, and my dream world is the real one, not this one where I am ruled by laws and expectations instead of my own judgement. How do I know that I'm not in a nightmare when I'm awake, and I'm living when I'm asleep?
Again, I don't know.
I just find it interesting that your mind can be awake when your body is asleep, but it can't be the other way around: the body is the dream and the mind is reality.
There are some things in the world that we cannot explain, and I don't believe it's always wise to pursue ultimate knowledge. Some things are better left unsaid and undiscovered. Dreams are one such example. To pursue something which is not real is surely just encouraging an existence in the unknown and the unreal, which promotes that unhealthy state of dissociation.
I do enjoy that state, because I feel so free, but too much freedom leads to misjudgement and over-confidence, a luxury which is not worth the consequences.

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